Getting married is already a committed and responsible choice in itself. One must project oneself into the future with the beloved person but also with its family, its children and even its circle of friends,… The future married couple must face all kinds of uncertainties but also the doubt that accompanies all human decisions.
The destruction of social bond, COVID-19’s main effect
This immense project of trust, construction and responsibility (and perhaps also of love?) is today facing a new challenge: an epidemic whose main long-term effect is not so much its lethality, nor the economic slowdown, nor even the health control policy imposed by the public authorities, but the gradual dissolution of social ties.
The social bond is created and maintained by events such as weddings, baptisms, anniversaries and even funerals: they are all milestones on the path of our lives, but also the lives of all those who take part in these events.
“The one who divides”
COVID-19 destroys this link and it is indeed with a “Devil”, etymologically, “the one who divides”, that we have to deal. A “Devil” who feeds on our own fear and who thrives in a confined environment where he takes advantage of all that is unsaid between the spouses, all the misunderstandings, and the unresolved questions. A”Devil” who takes advantage of all those rivers of incomprehension that accumulate behind the dams of fear that we build every day, higher and higher. These dams protect us and above all prevent us from confronting the dark sides of our relationship with others, but when the waters rise too high, the dams crack and collapse, taking everything in their path.
How many couples unable to communicate have finally separated when they were forced into confinement! There are countless words that go beyond thoughts, so much verbal and physical violence, so many separations that look like realeases. COVID-19 is a great revealer.
In this new world dominated by the “principle of precaution”, the obligation to wear a mask, to respect gestures and barrier distances, to disinfect one’s hands constantly, has already begun to destroy the social bond that binds people together, the same bond that creates peoples and forges nations.
The age of suspicion
Today, forced confinements, curfews at 9 p.m. in large cities, the ban on gatherings outside the family circle are not as hard to bear as the suspicious glances of people you get across in the corridors of the subway and on public transport.
Such destruction of the social bond is imposed on adults but also on children from a very early age. What will be the psychological consequences of such social isolation on the individuals? We are social beings. The isolated human being has nothing human anymore, but above all, the human being alone, separated from his social roots, is a person easily manipulated by powers of all kinds.
The epidemic is an objective fact but our confused response to COVID-19 says a lot abut the state of our public services and institutions. It is the heterogeneous application of protection rules that varies from one city to another, from one activity to another, from one company to another, that creates confusion and further disorientation.
Repeated changes in rules and procedures create insecurity that hinders understanding and acceptance of the sacrifice. Society is confused. How many couples manage to resist this structural ambiguity?
COVID-19, giving meaning to our lives
COVID-19 forces us to “test” ourselves in every sense of the word: we test our health, but also the friendship and solidarity of those around us, the compatibility of our character with the character of the “chosen one” and above all the love of our spouse. It forces us to ask ourselves what is really important in our life and the place we would like to leave to the other person in this life. Too often, this other person is only an “accessory” when he or she should be a 50/50 partner. The two of us are stronger together if we make concessions, but who is willing to make concessions when fear dominates?
COVID-19 also forces us to anticipate, to look ahead. For the older people, the time has come to deal with the problems that might arise after their death. The time has come not to leave questions unanswered or pretexts for conflicts between heirs. The time has come to draw up wills, marriage contracts, donations and life insurance contracts. The prospect of death makes us all more farsighted.
COVID-19 forces us to think about what is really important in our lives: in this uncertain context, many couples today wonder whether it is still reasonable to marry. Marriages are often postponed but for the wrong reasons: more often than not, we postpone the “W” day because we fear not to be able to organise a big and beautiful ceremony but we don’t realise how useful this test is.
Delaying a wedding is a wonderful, unique opportunity to put our feelings to the test of financial difficulties, promiscuity and mistrust.
If they stand the COVID-19 test, couples, whether they are married or not, can only be strengthened by this ordeal. A hundred times placed in the fire and a hundred times plunged in cold water, steel will only get harder.